


Speech

by Bungalow_Stories



Category: Jurassic World - Fandom
Genre: F/M, moo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 14:45:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6055459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bungalow_Stories/pseuds/Bungalow_Stories
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claire and Owen tell the truth and sex is involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Speech

Owen smiled as he awoke to the pleasant sensation of being kissed repeatedly. He snickered as someone nuzzled his cheek.  
"Claire . . ."  
A warm tongue was being dragged across his face. It came again, moving from his chin to his cheek. He laughed.  
"Claire!"  
When he opened his eyes, he saw a stegoceratops staring back at him. The dinosaur bumped him with her beak and mooed gently. He smiled and kissed her front horn.  
"Good morning, Claire."

"Good morning to you, too," she replied.  
***TSJWFEW***  
At the kitchen table, Claire was sorting through a pile of mail. They didn't receive much post nowadays, but every once in a while, someone would send them a letter from a parallel universe. Usually, the notes consisted of unwanted questions posed by a particularly persistent dragon. Today was no exception.  
"Dear Claire, are your toes coated in keratin-enamel or are they just normal?"  
She picked up another envelope.  
"Dear Claire, are your eyelashes longer than when you were human?"  
She tossed it to the side and opened another.  
"Dear Claire, what is the exact CMYK value of your belly markings?"  
She groaned.  
"God, she just won't let up, will she?"  
Owen shrugged as he poured her a cup of coffee.  
"Probably not. It might be a good idea to tell her how you feel."  
Claire rubbed her frill.  
"Yes, Owen, it would be a terrific idea for a prey animal to challenge a dragon."  
"Well, I don't see how else we can get her to stop."  
"Maybe if we ignore her, she'll go away."  
Claire lifted the final envelope. It was rather bulky, and she could see something round and black inside.  
"Hm. I wonder what this is."  
She ripped open the top and shook it upside-down. A flat device with a circular bit clattered onto the table. Claire raised her eyebrow and read the note that came with it.  
"Dear sir or madam, this device is part of a relationship study based in Isla Nublar, Park Canon. You have been randomly selected as a subject. Should you choose to participate, you will be entered in a draw to win two thousand dollars."  
Owen's eyes went wide.  
"Holy shit! That's enough to buy over fifty carrots!"  
Claire frowned.  
"You're not wrong, Owen, but you're not exactly right either."  
She cleared her throat.  
"The test in question can be initiated by pulling the red tab on the left side of the device. Should you choose to begin, a mild spell will be cast, causing you and your partner to utter nothing but statements perceived to be true in your respective minds. The hex will last for five hours, at which point you will be asked to report your findings to the Isla Nublar Centre For Applied Marital Studies."  
Claire hummed.  
"Well, we won't be doing  _this_  . . ."  
Owen's face fell.  
"Why not?"  
"Because it seems like one of those things that appears to be beneficial when you first hear about it, but actually ruins your life. It's like winning the lottery."  
Owen pouted.  
"Come on, Claire. It'll be fun."  
"It won't."  
"What are you so worried about? You don't lie to me."  
"Not about big things, but I'm sure we'll find something troublesome if we go through with this. It's the little white lies that make all the difference."  
Owen sighed.  
"Are you sure?"  
Claire nodded.  
"Mhm. Throw this in the trash. Let's hope it's not radioactive or something."  
She handed him the device. He looked at it sadly, then turned around and tossed it into the bin. When he was done, he brushed off his hands very suspiciously and smiled.  
"Done. What do you think of that?"  
"I'm worried that you actually considered going through with it."  
As soon as she spoke, Claire shook her head in confusion. Owen smiled and stroked her snout.  
"Don't worry about me. I'd never do anything to hurt you."  
"I know, but sometimes you can be a little . . . naïve."  
Owen frowned.  
"What do you mean?"  
"You act like a baby whenever I don't supervise you."  
Claire went rigid. She started sweating.  
"Um . . . You're very immature."  
She put her front foot over her mouth.  
"I meant that."  
Her eyes went wide.  
" _I meant that_."  
She slammed her fist on the table.  
"You pulled the tab, didn't you?"  
Owen gulped.  
"Yes. Are you mad at me?"  
Claire smiled dismissively.  
"Yes."  
Damn. She couldn't even lie about her feelings. This was going to be tricky.  
"Owen, this was a bad idea."  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
"It's not okay."  
She cringed.  
"Damn it. Look, I'm going to shut up for a while, alright?"  
"No."  
She nodded.  
"I'm doing it anyway."  
***TSJWFEW***  
It wasn't long before Claire found a way to cheat the system. Although she was unable to tell lies, even partial ones, she could always get away with lying by telling the truth. For example, she could begin sentences with "I intend to tell you . . ." and similar expressions. That wouldn't be a lie, right?  
Well, no.  
The spell was actually more complex than she thought, because it knew when she was trying to avoid or minimize the truth. Owen asked her if she was feeling okay, and instead of saying "fine" she blurted out "I'm starving". He then asked her if she wanted food, and she was allowed to say "no", because as much as her stomach was growling, she didn't want to get fat . . .  _fatter_. The obvious solution (to the truth problem, not her dieting issues) was to stay silent for the rest of the day, or at least avoid sensitive subjects. Of course, it was hard to keep Owen from blabbering on and on about every little thing that crossed his mind.  
"Hey, Claire, do you think that if we answer questions like whether O.J. was innocent, we can find out for sure?"  
She shook her head as she dumped a load of laundry into the washing machine.  
"No, Owen. This is based on our opinion, not facts."  
"Do  _you_  think he did it?"  
"Yes."  
"Me too. What about paradox?"  
"I don't know many sports figures."  
"No, I mean paradoxes like the ones in riddle books. Like if you say 'this sentence is false'."  
"I don't know, Owen, and I'd rather not find out."  
"This sentence is false."  
He waited.  
"Nothing happened."  
Claire let out a frustrated snort.  
"Owen, the only time the spell changes what we say is when we try to deceive each other with malice of forethought."  
He nodded slowly.  
"I don't understand those words."  
He jumped.  
"I mean, I don't understand those words."  
He grew more frantic.  
"I don't know what you're trying to say! Your vocabulary is bigger than mine! I feel like an idiot around you!"  
He whined and grabbed his head. Claire rolled her eyes.  
"Don't hurt yourself. I won't judge you, okay? From now on, let's forget everything we said to each other."  
"What if we lie again?"  
"We'll find a way to deal with it."  
Owen nodded.  
"Okay. Sounds good."  
After a long pause, he lifted his head.  
"Do you think I'm dumb?"  
Claire thought about it. She knew that no matter how much she tried to avoid insulting him, she could end up hurting his feelings regardless. Not giving him an answer would force him to assume the worst, however, so she would be better off telling him the truth, even if it turned out to be harsh.  
"I don't think you're dumb."  
Oh! That was a pleasant surprise. But she knew her reasoning.  
"You can be impulsive and immature, but you're insightful, for the most part."  
Owen smiled.  
"That's a relief."  
Claire nodded.  
"Maybe don't ask any more questions like that, though."  
Owen's smile disappeared.  
"Why not? Do you think I wouldn't like the answers?"  
"I don't know," she admitted, "It's hard for me to think of what might happen."  
Owen bit his lip.  
"Do you find me attractive?"  
"You're gorgeous."  
Uh-oh. The spell was even stronger than she thought. She intended to tell the truth as "yes", but instead, she was forced to blurt out her first thought. At least he seemed to like that answer.  
"Great! Do you want to have sex?"  
"No."  
"Why not?"  
"I'm afraid of what I might say because of this spell."  
"Do you lie during sex?"  
"Probably."  
"When?"  
"I don't know!"  
"How can you-"  
"DROP IT."  
Owen flinched.  
"Why?"  
"The more we talk about this, the more we risk hurting each other's feelings."  
Owen's lip quivered.  
"What do you think we'd find out?"  
"I don't know, but let's not go there. I'm sure you have secrets of your own."  
"I do."  
Claire froze.  
"Owen . . ."  
"I lie all the time. All the time. I lie-"  
"Owen, don't. I'd rather not hear your sex secrets."  
"They  _are_  about sex."  
Owen winced.  
"Why did I even  _try_  that? . . ."  
Claire narrowed her eyes. She was getting drawn in.  
"Just what  _are_  these secrets, exactly? . . ."  
"I don't like some of your kinks."  
"Like what?"  
Owen squeaked uncertainly.  
"The microscope thing."  
He put his hand over his mouth. Claire turned her head slowly, burning him with her stare.  
"What."  
Owen remained silent. She growled.  
"You had better explain yourself."  
"It's weird. I don't like it. Microscopes aren't sexy."  
"I think they are."  
"That's weird. I think there's something wrong with you. Mentally."  
Owen was sweating. He was clearly trying to lie to her, but with no success. Claire swished her tail back and forth and pawed at the ground.  
"Yeah? Well, whenever you describe sex as 'cool' or 'awesome', I want to punch you in the face."  
Shit. She didn't mean to be so harsh. Or maybe she did, since that was the truth. Owen didn't seem pleased by her comment.  
"Well,  _I_  get really pissed off when you buy sorbet! It's like boring ice cream."  
"What does  _that_  have to do with anything?"  
"You're so uptight! You act like you have a pole jammed up your ass half the time. Why can't you be fun?"  
"I  _am_  fun!"  
"Not when other people are around," he said accusingly, "You act sophisticated, but really, you're just a dinosaur pretending to be fancy."  
Claire's jaw dropped.  
"You're being an asshole!"  
"You're being a bitch!"  
"Oh, that's  _so_  mature! . . . Well, what do you know: this thing doesn't filter sarcasm! Maybe it's because I sincerely believe that you're a tool, and I know you'll pick up on that. Wait, maybe you won't, since you're an impulsive dumbass who can't stop himself from pulling a bright red tab!"  
Owen glared at her.  
"You think  _I'm_  the one at fault here? At least  _I_  don't pretend to be something I'm not. I  _know_  I'm not always bright, but you pretend to be-"  
"Human?"  
"I wasn't going to say that! You're too sensitive."  
"You would be too, if you looked like me!"  
"No, I really wouldn't, because not everyone feels the need to pretend they're perfect and junk."  
"You don't know how I feel . . ." she snarled.  
"Of course not. You're insane! You act like high-maintenance supermodel because you can't accept the fact that you're a complete cow!"  
Claire roared angrily and swung her tail. Owen backed out of the way in time, but her spikes shattered the glass on the washing machine door, spilling soapy water all over the linoleum.  
"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVER MARRIED YOU!"  
"Yeah? Me neither. Maybe you were just desperate."  
Claire snorted.  
"You just insulted  _yourself_ , dumbass."  
Owen thought it through.  
"Yeah? . . . Well, who needs you, anyway?"  
"You do."  
"I do."  
He frowned.  
"But I wish I didn't."  
And with that, he stormed away.  
***TSJWFEW***  
Claire and Owen were sitting on opposite ends of the living room with their backs turned to each other. They were both frowning deeply, and there was no question as to why this was. Their minds burned with hateful thoughts, so much so that the quiet room almost seemed to be filled with screams and shouting.  
But the imaginary noise settled down after a while. Their heated argument was giving way to the cold, blue darkness of night. As a beam of moonlight crossed Claire's brow, her face softened. She looked down at her elephantine feet, and the corners of her mouth turned downwards. She shook without making a sound, and tears began to trickle down her cheeks. As time went on, she began to sniffle, and the noise caught Owen's attention. His frown disappeared, and he crawled towards her with a worried expression.  
"Claire? . . ."  
She wailed and covered her face, curling up into a rather large ball. Owen tried to lift her arm, but she wouldn't allow it.  
"Don't  _look_  at me!"  
Owen pulled his hand back.  
"Why not?"  
"Because I  _hate_  myself!"  
Owen shook his head.  
"Don't say that . . ."  
She hiccupped.  
"I'm a complete and utter bitch, and I didn't even know it! How can we ever get along if our relationship unravels the second we tell each other the truth?"  
Owen rubbed his chin.  
"Well . . . maybe we haven't been telling each other the  _right_  truths."  
Claire peeked out from under her foot.  
"What do you mean?"  
Owen smiled and rubbed her side.  
"I think you're beautiful. You're smart and funny, and I love you more than anything in the world."  
Claire gulped.  
"Owen . . . You're not a dumbass. I only say you are because I'm angry at myself for being insufficient. Sometimes, I believe my own lies because the truth is too hard to take."  
"Trust me, it isn't, Claire. We just need to focus on the good things."  
He put his hand on her cheek.  
"There isn't a person alive I'd rather be married to. I know you're not perfect, but that doesn't mean you're any less amazing. You're too hard on yourself. Whenever you say you're ugly, it breaks my heart. More than anything, I want you to know how highly I think of you."  
Claire smiled through her tears.  
"I love you."  
"I love you, too. I'll love you forever. Don't ever forget that."  
"I won't."  
She gave him a kiss. He smiled and rubbed her snout.  
"I'm  _glad_  I pulled that tab, because now you know for sure that I'm telling the truth when I say that you're beautiful."  
Claire nodded.  
"I am too. I'm sorry for yelling at you, even though it was a bonehead move to ignore my advice."  
He laughed.  
"Yeah, you're right about that."  
They stared at each other for a while. Claire cocked her head.  
"What are you thinking about?"  
"Sex."  
He cringed.  
"Damn. I keep forgetting that I can't lie."  
Claire quirked a brow.  
"That's okay. I'm in the mood now."  
"Really?"  
"Mhm . . . Wait, why did you ask me that if you knew I was telling the truth?"  
Owen shrugged.  
"I'm kind of slow."  
"You aren't. Come to bed."  
She led him up the staircase with her tail.  
"So when is this spell supposed to wear off?"  
"I forget. We could always check the machine."  
Claire cocked her head.  
"Were there instructions on it?"  
"Only a list of side-effects."  
She froze.  
"Side effects?"  
Owen nodded.  
"Nothing serious. It's all scientific jargon, anyway."  
Claire chuckled.  
"That's a relief."  
Of course, Owen kept quiet when he remembered what was written on the box, because he didn't want to admit that he couldn't understand the term "enhanced fecundity".

 


End file.
